CONVERSATION
Last night I went to bed with a lot on my heart. I knew that I had to release what I was feeling so I desired to approach God with my concerns. I had questions. I felt confused. I felt alone. I needed to talk to my Father. I desired to talk, but I fell asleep.
At 4:00 a.m., it was as though I was nudged. I awakened and not fully coherent, thought it was odd that I was awake at that time. It then occurred to me, thanks to the Holy Spirit, that it was time for my discussion with the Lord. It was as though He said to me, “Didn’t you want to talk to me?” In the still and quietness I just began to pour open my heart, soul, mind, and I spoke to God my Father with the utmost love and respect. I knew that I could be real and open and unafraid and totally honest.
It’s okay to have questions for God when the intent is to learn and grow. Certainly God doesn’t owe me an explanation for anything. However, I asked Him for clarity and understanding. I feel as though I’m at my wit’s end and I am unsure about many things. This is not a good feeling.
One thing I expressed to the Lord was that I was NOT unsure of His Word, nor His promises. I fully believe what He says and I trust Him with my whole being. I have total faith in Him. As such, I confessed that it has to be me that is the problem. It must be my fault, or I’m standing in the way of seeing His Word manifested in me and my life. Therefore, I pleaded with Him to reveal to me His truth. I have been diligent in living for Him, working for Him, witnessing for Him, learning of Him, and being the woman that He called me to be. At least as I understand. I had to just lay out, and cry out to Him to lead and guide me, as I have obviously not been in line with His hand in my life.
At least that’s how I feel. Then I was reminded of something I recently heard a dynamic speaker say at a Women’s Prayer Breakfast I attended. She said not to go by what you feel or what you see. I’m holding on to that.
I have to say that God did not immediately speak back to me. He did not give me answers. But I know He heard my prayer and I have to embrace that. Oh wait….no…..I do remember that He gave me clarity about something. In my conversation with Him, I raised the works He has me doing. I somehow spoke about, for example, my “Today’s Inspiration” podcasts. I know that I have consistently been led to speak on topics whereas they’ve become fully Word-based. A little piece of me says to stop using the Word because people don’t want to hear that; they only want to be inspired. God immediately let me know that I am to continue to give the daily messages as He is leading me, through His Word. There is no inspiration outside of His Word!
I thank God for that clarity. I also await to hear more from Him, as I know that He is a loving God. I have to admit that in some ways I have been feeling forsaken, overlooked, and perhaps a tad forgotten. Just being honest. But I know that He has not, nor will not ever forsake me. I guess it’s time to get silent and still. He is faithful and I am His daughter.
Carla Y. Nix
Carla, just keep trusting Him; I know your faith is not the issue, but I just want to encourage you to continue knowing that He knows best. It may come as a surprise but no matter what people want you to believe, we’ve ALL been through that in some way. Christians who want to seem like they have it all together make it hard for the rest of us because we need their testimony… but when you feel alone in your troubles, just know that God allows them NOT for your destruction, but for your benefit. Which ends up as the result of your troubles depends on who you listen to in the midst of them – Satan will seek your destruction but God is always guiding you toward your reward.
Also – never focus your energy on what the world wants to hear. Be compassionate and love them enough to know that they don’t know what they need… they NEED the Word… they need the seed. People are not always going to let you know outwardly that your work has blessed them, but you have to be confident that God’s Word is touching them through your works and even when you’re discouraged and feel as though no one is listening, you have to PRESS ON… because ultimately, they are. AND keep in mind that (just like with Moses with Pharoah) God didn’t say GO MAKE THIS PERSON LISTEN – all He said is to TELL THEM. Be obedient and faithful. I LOVE YOU, sister.
Thank you for sharing, I t really hit me when you said “there is no inspiration outside of Gods Word. Keep on letting God use you!
Hello Carla,
This is like an echo to me, thanks for sharing because it helps to know that you’re not in it alone (not that you want others to go through) but it let’s you know that “GOD IS UP TO SOMETHING”, especially when you’re hearing echo after echo. I wrote on my blog this morning concerning this very thing, not in details but your words are my feelings.
Be encouraged my dear Sister and know that your works will not go un-rewarded.