“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”  – 2 Corinthians 5:7

Tiffanie, my 23 year old daughter, told me about one of her friends who seem to share one of my idiosyncrasies.  We both use a fork when we eat!

What’s so odd about that?

Well, Tiff says that we use a fork for EVERYTHING, and frankly, that just burns her up!

As she told me about her friend, I actually understood a little more about myself.  My daughter explained that her friend, just like me, uses a fork for such things as hot dogs, fried chicken, sandwiches, pizza, etc.  Foods that most people consider finger foods.  As my daughter spoke about it, I immediately said that her friend does this because she likes to be in control.  My daughter was amazed that I understood her friend so well.  She said that I definitely described her friend.

I was able to do that because the friend’s peculiarity made perfect sense to me and I saw myself.  I’d never even considered my urge to use a fork for everything as a need for control.  But, my eyes were opened when I saw myself through someone else.

I explained to my daughter that it’s not purely a fight FOR control, but a struggle for being IN control in my life.  I’ve long learned that I can’t control all things around me, but I strive to be in control for myself even through chaos.  I thrive on structure.

How does using a fork demonstrate control?

For me, it allows a semblance of having everything together.  Having my hand on the pulse of things that pertain to me.  It’s like having a plan.  Directions.  A clear understanding.

That says a lot for using a fork, doesn’t it?

What I saw in this is that it definitely is my choice to use a fork, even when it seems extreme and unreasonable, but this tendency for me also means that I am not always free and open enough to simply walk by faith.   God strongly spoke to me as we approached the beginning of this year* and let me know that He desired for me to walk by faith as never before.   He was letting me know that I had to totally trust Him in all areas of my life.

The analogy of the fork showed me that I need to put it down more often.  I need not be afraid of getting messy.  I don’t have to always hold everything together, or at least try to.  To totally trust Him means that I don’t even have to be concerned about what I can’t see ahead of me because God is in control.  I don’t HAVE to be!  Walking by faith means that I can put down the fork and simply be comfortable knowing that God is more than capable of being God without my help!

Blessings!

Carla

*This was written and originally posted in the summer of 2008