“O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.  Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.”  ~Psalm 139:1-4

I love drama.  Oh, not the kind of drama that reeks havoc in one’s life, but drama that portrays itself on the tube, the stage, or the big screen.  Give me a good movie that is full of characters that move me and you’ve made me a very happy woman.  My two favorite movies of all-time are, “Imitation of Life” (the b&w version) and “The Color Purple”.  Both have story lines that draw and captivate me.  The characters are unforgettable in both.  Who can forget “Mista” who was a pure selfish, ignorant, and cruel monster of a man in “The Color Purple”.   I truly hated his character, and I applaud Danny Glover thunderously because as an actor, he absolutely played that part well.  All of the actors/actresses played their parts stupendously in both movies.

I watched a rerun episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond” whereas the characters of Ray and his brother Robert got caught up in acting like each other.  They pretended to be the other.  They “play-acted”, as we used to call it when I was young.  They both had a taste of what it felt like to be the other.  In fact, they decided to become “Raybert”, a combination of both of them in one.  Someone who didn’t exist, yet someone who was fun to be.

I also once watched a show that displayed everyday people who got the opportunity to dress up and become celebrities.  They were celebrity impersonators.  They had fun being Tina Turner, Little Richard, George W. Bush, Frank Sinatra, and there were two Elvis Presley’s.  Frankly, I thought that it must be fun to become someone else.  To act like them, move like them, sing like them, and most of all, look like them.

This all reminded me of something I wanted to do when I was much younger.  At one point in my childhood, we lived in Compton and Los Angeles, California.  Going to Disneyland was not unusual for us.  I developed a fascination with the Disney characters and I wanted to be one of those people who had the grand opportunity of dressing up in those character get-ups and walk around the park being Goofy, or Mickey, or Minnie, or Donald……etc.  To me, that was the coolest thing.

And then when I was in high school, I secretly desired to be our school’s mascot.  We lived in New Orleans at this time and I attended McDonogh #35 senior high.  Our mascot was the Roneagle (an eagle…..a derivation of the Iron Eagle).  Our mascot would be dressed in the eagle suit and run around and soar on the football field and have a grand old time.  At least, that’s how it looked to me.

What does all of this mean?  How is it all connected?

Well, all of these people….these characters….are not real!  What I admired was the ability to escape from myself.  That’s one reason, I realize, that I like to write fiction.  As a young child, I learned to write stories and I loved reading them.  Characters can be made to do whatsoever the author desires them to do.  I’ve written several fiction pieces and my characters are all escapes for me because I have to become each character.  I have to know each character.  I have to bring life to them.  This is a challenge, yet it is thrilling.

But, life is not a novel.  It’s not a good movie.  It is not a stage to impersonate celebrities.  And, it certainly isn’t Disneyland.  We certainly are not characters who are made up in somebody’s mind.

So, who are we?  Who am I?  Who are you?  Such a simple question, yet the answer isn’t always as simple.  Most of us are not paid actors, yet we often put on a different face in different situations and act like different people.  We “front”, as they say in my neighborhood.  We try to put forth a face or front in order to appear better.  For some reason, we find it hard to accept exactly who we are.   I’ll never forget the excellent advice I received some years ago as I prepared for my very first speaking engagement.  Of course I was nervous and only wanted to be effective.  I asked my cousin Bridget, someone whom I admire greatly, who also became a public speaker.  She told me to simply be myself.   That was wonderful advice because just as much as I hoped that I would be as flawless as other speakers, I could not mimic them or be like them.  I could only be my authentic self, and that felt very good and natural.  I don’t know how to be anyone else.  What you see, or read, of me…..is me.  This is who I am.

My husband is a minister, and it is so amazing how often people act differently around him when they find out that he is one.  When he started at his secular job, several of his co-workers said that they wouldn’t have acted a certain way or said something in his presence had they initially known that he was a minister.  I am not a minister, but I get the same reaction from people.  They will apologize and alter their conversation around me because they feel that I would be offended.   That may be true, but my question is, wouldn’t the other people around them be offended as well?

Why do we adapt behavior that would not allow us to be our true selves no matter where we are, or whose presence we are in?  If the behavior is not up to standard, then we need to learn why we act like we do.

We should strive to be the best that we can be.  We don’t have to try to be like anyone else.  We are unique.  Although we are not characters, each of us have character.  Our character is who we really are at all times.  Our character speaks for us.  What does your character say about you?

Who are you?  Shouldn’t your true self be able to show up in the room no matter who’s there?

Blessings,

Carla