I ran across this article I wrote for my newsletter.  The date of the writing (March 2003) reminds me that this was when the painful “stuff” of my life hit the fan.  I hope you read it with an open heart. Please realize that I am speaking from experience and from the love and guidance of God.  I LIVED what I wrote – or better yet, I WROTE what I lived.  I pray that this releases someone today to freedom.

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LEARNING TO FORGIVE

I must share this terrific story that was sent to me. The author is unknown to me, but the story has some deep truths and it ministered to me greatly:

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One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was walking in the woods. As he thought about his life this day, he knew many things were not right. He thought about those who had lied about him back when he had a job.

His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and cheated him. He remembered family that had passed on. His mind turned to the illness he had that no one could cure. His very soul was filled with anger, resentment and frustration.

Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not find, knowing all else had failed him, he knelt at the base of an old oak tree to seek the one he knew would always be there. And with tears in his eyes, he prayed: “Lord- You have done wonderful things for me in this life. You have told me to do many things for you, and I happily obeyed. Today, you have told me to forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don’t know how. It is not fair Lord. I didn’t deserve these wrongs that were done against me and I shouldn’t have to forgive. As perfect as your way is Lord, this one thing I cannot do, for I don’t know how to forgive. My anger is so deep Lord, I fear I may not hear you, but I pray that you teach me to do this one thing I cannot do – Teach me To Forgive.”

As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree, he felt something fall onto his shoulder. He opened his eyes. Out of the corner of one eye, he saw something red on his shirt.

He could not turn to see what it was because where the oak tree had been was a large square piece of wood in the ground. He raised his head and saw two feet held to the wood with a large spike through them.

He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw Jesus hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His hands, a gash in His side, a torn and battered body, deep thorns sunk into His head. Finally he saw the suffering and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the man’s tears turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak.

Have you ever told a lie, he asked?

The man answered – yes Lord.

Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?

The man answered yes Lord. And the man sobbed more and more.

Have you ever taken something from work that wasn’t yours, Jesus asked?

And the man answered, yes Lord.

Have you ever sworn, using my Father’s name in vain?

The man, crying now, answered yes Lord.

As Jesus asked many more times, “Have you ever?”

The man’s crying became uncontrollable, for he could only answer yes Lord.

Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other, and the man felt something fall on his other shoulder. He looked and saw that it was the blood of Jesus. When he looked back up, his eyes met those of Jesus, and there was a look of love the man had never seen or known before.

Jesus said, I didn’t deserve this either, but I forgive you. It may be hard to see how you’re going to get through something, but when you look back in life, you realize how true this statement is.

“If God brings you to it – He will bring you through it.”

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Did you find yourself in this story? I did. I never considered myself a person to hold grudges, but you that thing I spoke about earlier……that something that happens to us…….LIFE? Well, it has truly happened to me and I have had to really examine myself lately.

Like the man in the story, I have been hurt deeply, and coming up with the strength or even the mind to forgive just wasn’t happening.

Hurt, anger, betrayal, loss of trust, are all very deep wounds that can actually cause a person to emotionally bleed to death. They zap your energy and takes everything away from you.

So, what does one do? Do you continue to harbor hurt feelings? Intense anger? Do you continue to allow yourself to die inside?

Very recently, as I am learning to deal with a situation, I had to pull myself away from the busy-ness of my life. I had to step out of the drama that was directing my life.

I was so confused and my actions were being ordered by my anger, and not the voice of God. The human side of me wanted to react in a way that I did not like. The spiritual part of me longed to reach out to God for guidance.

So, I sat there, one evening. In the dark. In the quiet. Away from everyone. Just meditating. Focusing. And a song broke out in my heart. The words of the song gave me comfort, clarity, strength. I then knew what I had to do.  I HAD TO PRAY!

The song that came to me was one of my favorites by Yolanda Adams. The words to “Open My Heart” took on new meaning to me. Although I’ve been enjoying the song for the last year, I never truly understood the full meaning.

It’s a beautiful song, sung beautifully by a beautiful lady, with an extraordinary gifted voice. It sounds good. But that day, the words ministered to me and took on a deep meaning.

In the song, Yolanda pours her heart out to the Lord. She asks Him to lead and guide her, not to allow her to continue making the same mistakes. She sings that she needs to talk to Him, particularly since her world seems cloudy.

I found myself in her song. It wasn’t my voice singing, but it was my heart. So, I began to pray and laid everything out to the Lord. I told Him how hurt and angry I was. How disappointed I was. How I was so confused and didn’t know what to do. What to say. I needed Him to guide me, because I didn’t want to make the same mistakes again.

I shared this experience with a close friend, and was told that I am a “remarkable woman” for doing what I did. For pouring my heart and soul out to God like that.

I don’t see myself as being remarkable at all. Just blessed and fortunate that I lived the scripture…..”For when I am weak, then am I strong.” (2 Cor. 12:10b)

My opened heart to God let me know that I needed to forgive. Many people don’t realize that forgiveness is for the hurt just as much, if not more, as it is for the one who hurt them. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you were not wronged. It doesn’t even mean that the person who did the wrong deserves your forgiveness.

But, just like the man in the story I opened with, neither do we deserve God’s forgiveness.

So, since Jesus was willing to step in and take a punishment that He did not deserve just for our forgiveness, why is it so difficult for us to forgive one another?

Forgiveness also releases us from imprisonment. Yes, imprisonment. When we are driven by unforgiveness, then we have become slaves to someone else. We’ve given them full control of us. We allow them to rule us. We give them power over us.

Forgiving them means that you are free!

So forgive, sweet neighbor, and move on. Life is too short and precious to allow the disease of unforgiveness to stifle our lives. Remember, we must live life to its fullest. Life is a gift from God. Don’t let anyone take that away from you!

Blessings,

Carla