Someone posted online that God had been placing in their spirit the message of “wait”.  I was happy she posted that because it resonated with me. Spoke to me. Confirmed some things in me.

I’m waiting…

Being patient as I do so.  Trusting God that on the other side of the waiting will be the blessing.

Got a little frustrated last night as I sat in on a webinar of an endeavor I’d like to enter. Also frustrated about another endeavor I’d like to enter.  It’s not the programs that frustrate me, it’s the fact that I cannot enter them.  They’re both projects and programs that are right up my alley and things that I like to do.  But I can’t enter them because I am so limited. Ok, point blank – truth be told – I have absolutely no money to do so.  Most everything takes money.

Actually, the cost of the investment is not much, but it is astronomical when you have nothing.  Therein lies the frustration.  I think that people don’t believe me when I say that I don’t have the funding.  Many times I wonder myself how do I function in life when most days I only have dust and a few pennies in my wallet.

God provides all of our needs with the income that comes in. Our needs. We’re blessed, in that we do have our needs met. And even then, it’s a struggle, but He provides.  We do the things we’re supposed to do.  We tithe.  We spend wisely. We take care of our family.

But I am waiting for the day, the opportunity, the opened door, for me to be able to invest in myself and do more. These programs would allow for me to bring an income in as well. But I can’t walk through the door yet. That truly frustrates me.

Even if I were somehow, miraculously, able to scrap up what’s needed, that would mean denying my family of necessities. That would mean no lunch money for my child; no payment of her band instrument; no payment of utilities or rent; no groceries; no medication for myself; no doctors appointment; clothes for growing child; no gas for vehicle; etc.  That’s exactly what it would mean. The bare necessities.

Yes, I’m frustrated, but I continue to keep the hope and faith that God will loosen up the strings.  It’s tight, so tight, and I am tired.  I honored God’s voice and His leading and I trusted that He would provide when I left the traditional work world.  He promised that He would take care of us, and He is. I can’t deny that, and I thank Him for that.  It just hurts when I feel stuck and feel as though I can’t flourish because my wings feel clipped.  I’m so ready to soar!

I’m waiting…

Carla Y. Nix