One thing I’ve always known about myself was who I am.  Now, I may not have always been happy with who I am, and I’m not afraid to admit it, but I’ve known Carla.  I may not have always had all of the puzzle pieces in place, and I definitely can say that I have not walked totally, correctly, and precisely on the path that God has placed me on.  But, I’ve known me.  There was even a time when I didn’t love me, but she was there, I was stuck with her, and she remains here today.

Today, I realized that I haven’t written in many weeks, and I’m feeling the affect of that.  One thing I have been since birth is a writer. That’s who I am, that’s what I am. Taking that away from me is like sucking the life out of me.  I write just as easily as I breathe.  I’ve been so busy that I haven’t spent any quality and quiet time with myself to do what I was born to do.  Not writing makes me off-kilter (I just love how Sojourner Truth said that!).  However, I have been writing, but not necessarily writing for me.  That’s what has me a little frustrated.

Anyway, because I know Carla, I had to stop and write — for me.  I had several things on my mind, but feel compelled to write about this. And this again, has to do with knowing one’s self.

God has placed in me the platform, or the message of speaking about Purpose.  Many of you have listened to my teleconferences, teleclasses, inspirational podcasts, radio shows, and you’ve read my blog, articles, and other writings. Some of you have also heard me speak at your functions or local engagements.  I do thank those of you who have invited me to other states/cities to speak, and for those who listen to me locally.  You know that the foundation of my message remains the same – knowing your Purpose in life.

I believe that when one doesn’t know their purpose, they find themselves living a life most miserable.  There are a number of factors that lead to not knowing your purpose.  One is simply the realities and harshness of life.  Some are not happy because of circumstances, failures, disappointments, and most of all due to hurt from others.  When this happens, we don’t see our purpose.  Not unless or until a change comes about within us.  See, it is so easy to blame others for our unhappiness. And, it’s also easy to become a bitter person because of the stuff that life has thrown our way, but it is important for us to reach a point where we must stand and say that we will NOT allow those negative things to define us, or our behavior.  It’s simply not acceptable.  It may be a reason, but it isn’t an excuse.

We have to decide that we are going to live fully in our purpose regardless of the details of our past.  We have to make the choice to break through all of that stuff and move ahead.  I heard an extremely powerful and true statement from Rev. Dewayne Pickett who preached a night of our revival last week.  He said, “In order to move to another level, you must be willing to change.”

This morning, God placed on my heart Romans 12:1-2 – from the Amplified Bible:

“I APPEAL to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you in view of [all] the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies [presenting all your members and faculties] as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship.

Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you].”

We have to be willing to CHANGE!

We also have to stop picking apart other’s lives in order to make ourselves feel better.  Why is it so difficult to support one another?  Why must we always be so negative?

As I said in the beginning, I’ve always known Carla, even when I didn’t like her.  I didn’t like her because I thought that she was odd, strange, different, in a world of her own, out of the loop, and unlovable.  I thought that no one but my Mama could or would ever love me.  I just didn’t think that I was good enough, or that I was such an atrocity, that no one would ever find merit in me.

Yes, I knew Carla, but I didn’t always know the strength and value that God put in me.  I knew the Lord, but I didn’t know the God in me.  I didn’t know who I was in God.  Therefore, I only knew Carla on the surface and didn’t see the worth in her.  I truly believe that when we realize and know the God in us, then we see our Purpose and we begin to live a true life of purpose.  We no longer have the desire to sabotage ourselves, or others.

Writing is a gift and tool that God placed in me.  That’s why I am not me when I am not using it.  I can’t function off-kilter, and neither can you.

Do you know the God in you?  Do you know who you are in God?  Do you know what purpose He has placed in you to fulfill?  Are you distracted by the circumstances in your life today, and/or those from your past?  Have you allowed your past to shape who you are today?  Are you functioning fully in your purpose and utilizing your gifts?

In the words of my friend Sabriena Williams (author of “Wait on The Lord, I Say Wait”) – “Unwrap your gift and use it!”

Blessings!

Carla Y. Nix