I’ve dabbled a little in genealogy. I remember when I first “found” my grandparents in the Census records/archives at the library. Oh my! When I saw “Papa” (my maternal grandfather), it was as though I could feel him. The first record of him was that of a 19 year old young man, Willie Huston. Now that was interesting, because we knew “Papa’s” real name to be Julius Houston.  I learned that he changed his name about a year after those Census when he moved from New Roads, LA to New Orleans, LA.  Note, the last name is no typo. I’ve been told that the Census (and “the White man”, as older relatives tell me) spelled the name without the “o”. Papa “fixed” it when he changed from Willie to Julius.

Then I looked for my maternal grandmother, Beulah Kirp, but found no record of her because I learned that her “adopted” mother would hide her when the Census takers came around because they were afraid that she would be removed from the home.  She was being raised by a lady I only know as “Mama Had”, who took her in after she was abandoned by her birth mother.  That’s what people used to do. They helped one another. I know that “Mama Had’s” real name was Harriet, but that’s it. I know nothing else of her and could find no records.  It hurts me that I don’t know more of my heritage there on that side of my family. I was able, however, to see my grandfather’s mother listed. Again, I felt such a strong wind of connection. My heart leaped and I felt as though I knew her.  Her name was Olivia. There was no mention of a husband. I know nothing about either Papa’s or Grandma Buelah’s fathers.

I didn’t find much from my father’s side either. However, I saw his parents, John Young and Rosa Brown. John, I believe was born somewhere in Mississippi, but I don’t know where. No record of him until he was in New Orleans. Rosa’s record only show her in the Gretna area of New Orleans (Westbank).  I believe that she also lived with a family. John’s mother’s name was also Olivia. I was so amazed to learn that both of my Great-Grandmothers names were Olivia. Such a beautiful name!

But that is as far back as I’ve been able to learn of my family. Yet, I honor my ancestors and I thank God for them, as I know that I wouldn’t be who I am if it weren’t for them.  I’ll never forget the first time I saw the “slave quarters” or the “row houses” still standing in New Roads, LA. It hit me that MY people lived there! I saw the “big house” of the Master, and then the shacks of their slaves. My people! I cried when I saw it. And I felt as though their spirits were crying out to me.

In June 2009, I wrote a blog documenting my trip to Memphis, TN where we visited the Slave Haven Museum. You can read it by clicking here.  That experience caught me by surprise as I found myself overcome with emotion when I went down into the cellar of a house that hid runaway slaves. It was part of the underground railroad.  I knew all of this from history, but it was something else to experience the place. I honestly FELT the presence and spirits of my people. I felt the pain of the women holding their babies, and in some cases, killing them if they cried in order to keep the entire group safe and undiscovered by “the White man”.

I watched Oprah today and was moved to tears again. Actually, I balled my eyes out as I watched actress Lisa Kudrow as she visited the site of where her Jewish ancestors were brought as they were killed during the Holocaust.  It was explained to her that they were naked and lined up to be shot! I cried as she pictured it in her mind. I cried with her.  She was also shown the written record of a distant relative who was “killed and burned”. Oh how my heart broke!

Then NFL legend Emmit Smith was brought to the place of his ancestors. He was shown where they were buried on a plantation, but the grave sites were over run by trees. The woods! The other side of it was the “White” cemetery, which was well kept and maintained. His heart was broken because he could not visit his relatives’ burial spots.  And then he learned more about his lineage.  Learned of a “mulatto” named Mariah whose father was the “Master”, who was a cruel man. He used his slaves for breeding — like animals!  Oh how I cried with Emmit as he recounted his experience with Oprah.

With Lisa and Emmit, I still felt the spirits of their people crying out.  I am not Jewish, but I can still feel and have compassion and empathy for what the Jewish people have endured.  A lineage of people hated and treated beyond cruelly just because of who they were.  No thought for family by the oppressors. No concern about the children. No feelings whatsoever.  Pure evil!

As Emmit said, it’s as though our people had no closure.  And he spoke about the importance of knowing who he is and bearing the responsibility of honoring them.

I feel the same. Watching the show reawakened what I feel so deeply. Yes, their spirits are crying out to me. Therefore, I must be even more cognizant of my gifts and talents by using them correctly and with purpose. I am responsible for doing well. I must be successful in this life. I must make my people proud.  I cannot live a shameful life.  I cannot run through this life without any regard for the expectations that are on me.  Willie, who was bold enough to change his name for whatever reason (I’ve heard a number of stories as to why), is depending on me to do great things. The two Olivia’s need for me to represent not only my family, but all women well!  Mama Had, who simply stepped up and did what was necessary to raise a child that wasn’t even hers, is calling out to me to press on.

For all of those who were treated less than human, and worse than animals, are looking to me to live a respectable life with dignity and purpose.

Yes, their spirits cry out to me. I hear them loudly and I can no longer shut my ears.

Carla Y. Nix

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LEARNING TO FORGIVE

I must share this terrific story that was sent to me. The author is unknown to me, but the story has some deep truths and it ministered to me greatly:

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One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was walking in the woods. As he thought about his life this day, he knew many things were not right. He thought about those who had lied about him back when he had a job.

His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and cheated him. He remembered family that had passed on. His mind turned to the illness he had that no one could cure. His very soul was filled with anger, resentment and frustration.

Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not find, knowing all else had failed him, he knelt at the base of an old oak tree to seek the one he knew would always be there. And with tears in his eyes, he prayed: “Lord- You have done wonderful things for me in this life. You have told me to do many things for you, and I happily obeyed. Today, you have told me to forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don’t know how. It is not fair Lord. I didn’t deserve these wrongs that were done against me and I shouldn’t have to forgive. As perfect as your way is Lord, this one thing I cannot do, for I don’t know how to forgive. My anger is so deep Lord, I fear I may not hear you, but I pray that you teach me to do this one thing I cannot do – Teach me To Forgive.”

As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree, he felt something fall onto his shoulder. He opened his eyes. Out of the corner of one eye, he saw something red on his shirt.

He could not turn to see what it was because where the oak tree had been was a large square piece of wood in the ground. He raised his head and saw two feet held to the wood with a large spike through them.

He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw Jesus hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His hands, a gash in His side, a torn and battered body, deep thorns sunk into His head. Finally he saw the suffering and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the man’s tears turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak.

Have you ever told a lie, he asked?

The man answered – yes Lord.

Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?

The man answered yes Lord. And the man sobbed more and more.

Have you ever taken something from work that wasn’t yours, Jesus asked?

And the man answered, yes Lord.

Have you ever sworn, using my Father’s name in vain?

The man, crying now, answered yes Lord.

As Jesus asked many more times, “Have you ever?”

The man’s crying became uncontrollable, for he could only answer yes Lord.

Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other, and the man felt something fall on his other shoulder. He looked and saw that it was the blood of Jesus. When he looked back up, his eyes met those of Jesus, and there was a look of love the man had never seen or known before.

Jesus said, I didn’t deserve this either, but I forgive you. It may be hard to see how you’re going to get through something, but when you look back in life, you realize how true this statement is.

“If God brings you to it – He will bring you through it.”

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Did you find yourself in this story? I did. I never considered myself a person to hold grudges, but you that thing I spoke about earlier……that something that happens to us…….LIFE? Well, it has truly happened to me and I have had to really examine myself lately.

Like the man in the story, I have been hurt deeply, and coming up with the strength or even the mind to forgive just wasn’t happening.

Hurt, anger, betrayal, loss of trust, are all very deep wounds that can actually cause a person to emotionally bleed to death. They zap your energy and takes everything away from you.

So, what does one do? Do you continue to harbor hurt feelings? Intense anger? Do you continue to allow yourself to die inside?

Very recently, as I am learning to deal with a situation, I had to pull myself away from the busy-ness of my life. I had to step out of the drama that was directing my life.

I was so confused and my actions were being ordered by my anger, and not the voice of God. The human side of me wanted to react in a way that I did not like. The spiritual part of me longed to reach out to God for guidance.

So, I sat there, one evening. In the dark. In the quiet. Away from everyone. Just meditating. Focusing. And a song broke out in my heart. The words of the song gave me comfort, clarity, strength. I then knew what I had to do.  I HAD TO PRAY!

The song that came to me was one of my favorites by Yolanda Adams. The words to “Open My Heart” took on new meaning to me. Although I’ve been enjoying the song for the last year, I never truly understood the full meaning.

It’s a beautiful song, sung beautifully by a beautiful lady, with an extraordinary gifted voice. It sounds good. But that day, the words ministered to me and took on a deep meaning.

In the song, Yolanda pours her heart out to the Lord. She asks Him to lead and guide her, not to allow her to continue making the same mistakes. She sings that she needs to talk to Him, particularly since her world seems cloudy.

I found myself in her song. It wasn’t my voice singing, but it was my heart. So, I began to pray and laid everything out to the Lord. I told Him how hurt and angry I was. How disappointed I was. How I was so confused and didn’t know what to do. What to say. I needed Him to guide me, because I didn’t want to make the same mistakes again.

I shared this experience with a close friend, and was told that I am a “remarkable woman” for doing what I did. For pouring my heart and soul out to God like that.

I don’t see myself as being remarkable at all. Just blessed and fortunate that I lived the scripture…..”For when I am weak, then am I strong.” (2 Cor. 12:10b)

My opened heart to God let me know that I needed to forgive. Many people don’t realize that forgiveness is for the hurt just as much, if not more, as it is for the one who hurt them. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you were not wronged. It doesn’t even mean that the person who did the wrong deserves your forgiveness.

But, just like the man in the story I opened with, neither do we deserve God’s forgiveness.

So, since Jesus was willing to step in and take a punishment that He did not deserve just for our forgiveness, why is it so difficult for us to forgive one another?

Forgiveness also releases us from imprisonment. Yes, imprisonment. When we are driven by unforgiveness, then we have become slaves to someone else. We’ve given them full control of us. We allow them to rule us. We give them power over us.

Forgiving them means that you are free!

So forgive, sweet neighbor, and move on. Life is too short and precious to allow the disease of unforgiveness to stifle our lives. Remember, we must live life to its fullest. Life is a gift from God. Don’t let anyone take that away from you!

Blessings,

Carla

One definition of “inheritance” is “birthright”.  Meaning, simply, a right that one has because they were born into something of value.  As parents, we want to leave an inheritance for our children.  We want them to be blessed with something that is special and of value.  We work hard so that we may have something to leave with them once we pass.  Also, we desire that our personal and sentimental possessions are left with them.

I cherish my mother’s high school class ring that I inherited.  The ring is now an antique, but it wasn’t a particularly “valuable” piece of jewelry in a monetary sense.  However, it holds deep sentimental value for me.

My father died before my mother did.  She died about 2 years later.  My brothers and I were the heirs to our family home and other items.  This was our birthright.  Unlike in many families, there was no in-fighting, bickering, conniving, or battles over anything.  We handled everything just as our parents raised us – in a peaceful and respectable manner.  We all had equal claim, as our parents desired.  And there were some particular items that we individually received by bequest from the Will.

I cannot imagine being overlooked, or having my birthright stolen from me.  Jacob stole from Esau the birthright and blessing due to the oldest son.  He lied and deceived his father Isaac into giving him what was due to Esau (Genesis 27).

Being female, I also cannot imagine not receiving my inheritance simply because of my gender.  That was the case of Zelophehad’s daughters (Numbers 27:1-11).  Zelophehad had four daughters, and no sons.  Zelophehad died in the wilderness as the Israelites wandered for 40 years after their exodus from Egypt.  When Moses began to designate and distribute the inheritance of the Promised Land to the Israelites, these women stood to lose their portion simply because of their gender.  The rule was that the inheritance would be given to the sons of the family clans (or tribes).

Zelophehad’s daughters boldly went to Moses, the priest, and all of the leaders and expressed their dismay that their inheritance would be lost because their father had no sons.  It was not fair.

They stood up for what they knew was rightfully theirs.  It was their birthright because God promised Abraham that He would bless his seed.  God promised the Children of Israel that they would be given the land.  This was more than a “will”, such as my parents had.  It was a bonafide promise from God, and God is faithful.  He does not, nor cannot lie!

Moses presented the daughters’ concern to God, and God agreed that they should not lose the inheritance.  They had a right to the promise.  God instructed Moses to give them their portion of the land.

God is a God of promise.  God’s Word tells of all of His promises.  Here is one of my favorites:

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you.” Isaiah 43:2

This comforts me whenever I am going through seemingly overwhelming circumstances.  I can always go back to God in prayer and express my faith in His promise.  He promised to be with me, so I can say that, not to remind Him (because He doesn’t need reminding), but to encourage myself and to strengthen my heart.

His Word is a book of His promises.  Read it!  And you can boldly approach God’s throne with the assurance of His promises.  This is your inheritance.  It’s your birthright.  When you accepted Christ as your Savior, you experienced a New Birth.  You now have a birthright to everything that God promised.  You don’t have to lie, cheat, deceive, or steal, as Jacob did, to be blessed.  You simply have to trust and have faith in God.

My inheritance from my parents didn’t come until they died.  However, in Christ, I can receive what He’s promised right now, and in the future.  The most glorious inheritance of all is eternal life with Him.  But, until that time, I can enjoy the peace, love, and joy that He’s promised me.

Stand up today and claim your inheritance.  It’s yours!

Suggested reading/reference for an exhaustive list of God’s promises, visit Dr. Charles Stanley’s website (In Touch Ministries). It is excellent reading!

Intricate.  Precise.  Exact.  Intentional.  Those are only a few words that I can think of to describe God’s modus operandi, or His mode of operation — His “M.O.”.  God’s way of doing things are never coincidental.  In fact, I do not believe in coincidences.  Everything happens for a reason, and with God, this is most true.

I am praising and thanking God right now for the little things that seemed so insignificant to me. The things that He’s allowed me to do that I thought nothing of.  For He has placed me in scenarios and situations whereas I’ve had to use skills that I didn’t even know I had, and I wondered why He put me in these situations.  A little of this, a little of that, all to hone and polish something He put in me.

I see today how He has begun to weave all of these little things together in order for me to use for a greater purpose.  Wow!  Isn’t that so like God?

Review Mark 14:13 above.  Jesus gives instructions to two of the disciples to locate the upper room where they are to prepare for the Passover meal.  The Last Supper.  Jesus tells them exactly what they will see and how they will know they are in the right place.  What He says doesn’t seem all that remarkable or odd.  But it is.  Actually, He said something highly significant.  That is that they would find a man carrying water in a pitcher.  Or a jug.  Again, seemingly insignificant.  But if you understand the customs or culture of that time, you would find it odd.  Men either did not carry water, or if they did, they did not bear it in pitchers.  Women did.  Men would tote water in skins.

So, naturally, this man carrying a pitcher of water — a seemingly small detail — was yet a very precise and intentional act of God!

The scripture doesn’t tell us, but I do wonder why this man toted his water in a pitcher?  I am sure that it was a so-called coincidence, and even he probably wondered why he did it.  Perhaps a skin wasn’t available.  Perhaps a woman wasn’t available to bring the water.  Perhaps initially there was not a need for water.  There are numerous possibilities and dynamics to this, but the bottomline is that it was necessary for this man to be carrying water in a pitcher at that exact moment as a sign to the disciples.

Why was it important for this to happen?  This was yet another action of God to show that Jesus Christ knows all.  He was/is not just a “good man”.   He is divine, He is Lord, He is the Savior.  Yet another opportunity for the disciples to receive and accept Him.  Even then, they did not fully know who He was.

God’s M.O. has not changed.  He is still performing miracles and doing the impossible today.  He still uses the ordinary to do extraordinary things.  He still shows us signs of His power and greatness.  He still takes little and turns it into much.  He still builds and weaves the most intricate details of our lives into something significant.

Don’t take for granted the small things that occur in your life.  You don’t have to think that God is not active or present in your life because you may not see anything spectacular (according to you).  Some of those little incidences are catalysts for great things.

Trust God in all ways.  Don’t dismiss what you may not understand.  Trust Him!

Blessings!

Carla Y. Nix

But you know what, as much as the Saints are deserving of accolades, this blog post is not simply about our team making it to the Super Bowl to beat the Indianapolis Colts’ butts!  This is about all of us.

There was a time when the Saints were infamously referred to as the “Aints”.  Many, many, and I do mean many years they were viewed as a sure win for the opposition.  No matter how bad another’s record was, they felt that they would at least win against the Saints.  People counted us down for the count; down and out.  And this was despite all of the exceptional and great players and coaches that have graced the team.  Much hard and talented work have always gone into the making of our team.  Yet, we never shared the experience that so many have.  Never made it to the Super Bowl.

There was a time when even the long suffering and forever loyal fans were tried, tested, and teased.  This drove them to wearing the bags, feeling disgraced, yet ironically still supportive (if not, they would not have attended the games).  Then, when no one else would believe in the Saints, the fans never stopped.  No matter how bad, ugly, or hopeless the season turned out, fans still believed.  They kept the faith!

Do you see yourself yet in this?  Is there anything remotely familiar to you?  This might not be about your favorite sports team, but maybe you see nuggets of your life here.  Perhaps you see your life (your job, your relationships, your family, etc.) even today.

Because the New Orleans Saints (and the fans) know what was like to be the “Aints”, they can celebrate hardily and earnestly.  It’s taken, literally, a lifetime to finally “make it”.

Can you remember an “Aints” period?  Maybe you’re in such a time now.  I say to you, don’t ever give up. Even when it looks bleak, hopeless, and impossible.  Keep going, keep striving, keep pushing, keep believing!  Don’t listen to the nay sayers, for they will most definitely zap you of any energy you have to persevere.  Don’t be distracted or deterred by the circumstances or by what you see.  You can make it!  You WILL make it!

The Saints’ success means more than just a win for the team.  It signifies and symbolizes the struggles of the people and city of New Orleans, particularly since Hurricane Katrina.  Most importantly, it demonstrates our resilience, will, strength, and ability to triumph over obstacles thrown in our way.  Personally, as the Saints were winning game after game this season on their road to the Super Bowl, I felt a sense of hope for my own self; for my own life.   They gave me a shot of enthusiasm and confidence that I needed to go on.

Trouble don’t last always.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it is possible to see it.  Hold your head up, even during those times that you may feel disgraced.  Know that falling short of the mark, and even losing the game, doesn’t put you out of the game.  The crown, the trophy, the victory, is still yours to claim.  Trust yourself and believe in yourself.  But most of all, trust God and never lose faith in Him.

Congratulations to my New Orleans Saints!  I don’t know what the outcome of Super Bowl 44 will be on Sunday, but in my book, you are already victorious.  My love for you will never cease.

Carla Y. Nix

I love drama.  Oh, not the kind of drama that reeks havoc in one’s life, but drama that portrays itself on the tube, the stage, or the big screen.  Give me a good movie that is full of characters that move me and you’ve made me a very happy woman.  My two favorite movies of all-time are, “Imitation of Life” (the b&w version) and “The Color Purple”.  Both have story lines that draw and captivate me.  The characters are unforgettable in both.  Who can forget “Mista” who was a pure selfish, ignorant, and cruel monster of a man in “The Color Purple”.   I truly hated his character, and I applaud Danny Glover thunderously because as an actor, he absolutely played that part well.  All of the actors/actresses played their parts stupendously in both movies.

I watched a rerun episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond” whereas the characters of Ray and his brother Robert got caught up in acting like each other.  They pretended to be the other.  They “play-acted”, as we used to call it when I was young.  They both had a taste of what it felt like to be the other.  In fact, they decided to become “Raybert”, a combination of both of them in one.  Someone who didn’t exist, yet someone who was fun to be.

I also once watched a show that displayed everyday people who got the opportunity to dress up and become celebrities.  They were celebrity impersonators.  They had fun being Tina Turner, Little Richard, George W. Bush, Frank Sinatra, and there were two Elvis Presley’s.  Frankly, I thought that it must be fun to become someone else.  To act like them, move like them, sing like them, and most of all, look like them.

This all reminded me of something I wanted to do when I was much younger.  At one point in my childhood, we lived in Compton and Los Angeles, California.  Going to Disneyland was not unusual for us.  I developed a fascination with the Disney characters and I wanted to be one of those people who had the grand opportunity of dressing up in those character get-ups and walk around the park being Goofy, or Mickey, or Minnie, or Donald……etc.  To me, that was the coolest thing.

And then when I was in high school, I secretly desired to be our school’s mascot.  We lived in New Orleans at this time and I attended McDonogh #35 senior high.  Our mascot was the Roneagle (an eagle…..a derivation of the Iron Eagle).  Our mascot would be dressed in the eagle suit and run around and soar on the football field and have a grand old time.  At least, that’s how it looked to me.

What does all of this mean?  How is it all connected?

Well, all of these people….these characters….are not real!  What I admired was the ability to escape from myself.  That’s one reason, I realize, that I like to write fiction.  As a young child, I learned to write stories and I loved reading them.  Characters can be made to do whatsoever the author desires them to do.  I’ve written several fiction pieces and my characters are all escapes for me because I have to become each character.  I have to know each character.  I have to bring life to them.  This is a challenge, yet it is thrilling.

But, life is not a novel.  It’s not a good movie.  It is not a stage to impersonate celebrities.  And, it certainly isn’t Disneyland.  We certainly are not characters who are made up in somebody’s mind.

So, who are we?  Who am I?  Who are you?  Such a simple question, yet the answer isn’t always as simple.  Most of us are not paid actors, yet we often put on a different face in different situations and act like different people.  We “front”, as they say in my neighborhood.  We try to put forth a face or front in order to appear better.  For some reason, we find it hard to accept exactly who we are.   I’ll never forget the excellent advice I received some years ago as I prepared for my very first speaking engagement.  Of course I was nervous and only wanted to be effective.  I asked my cousin Bridget, someone whom I admire greatly, who also became a public speaker.  She told me to simply be myself.   That was wonderful advice because just as much as I hoped that I would be as flawless as other speakers, I could not mimic them or be like them.  I could only be my authentic self, and that felt very good and natural.  I don’t know how to be anyone else.  What you see, or read, of me…..is me.  This is who I am.

My husband is a minister, and it is so amazing how often people act differently around him when they find out that he is one.  When he started at his secular job, several of his co-workers said that they wouldn’t have acted a certain way or said something in his presence had they initially known that he was a minister.  I am not a minister, but I get the same reaction from people.  They will apologize and alter their conversation around me because they feel that I would be offended.   That may be true, but my question is, wouldn’t the other people around them be offended as well?

Why do we adapt behavior that would not allow us to be our true selves no matter where we are, or whose presence we are in?  If the behavior is not up to standard, then we need to learn why we act like we do.

We should strive to be the best that we can be.  We don’t have to try to be like anyone else.  We are unique.  Although we are not characters, each of us have character.  Our character is who we really are at all times.  Our character speaks for us.  What does your character say about you?

Who are you?  Shouldn’t your true self be able to show up in the room no matter who’s there?

Blessings,

Carla

I really don’t want to sound like a cliche`, but I can’t help what I’m about to say.  When I think about the goodness of Jesus, and all He’s done for me, I can dance, dance, dance….all day!  Hello!  Yes, I really feel that way. When I think about how God has blessed me, is blessing me, and will bless me, I can’t help but rejoice!

With this rejoicing, something else is bubbling in my spirit.  Gratitude and humility.  I am shamelessly humbled by God’s goodness.  I do not take anything for granted and I recognize that God’s blessings are privileges.  Although I know that I am entitled to His blessings because I am His child, I also know that God’s grace is not to be taken lightly and I am eternally thankful.  Even more so, I know that I am not worthy of it all.

In my heart today is the desire to walk (live) worthy of His blessings.  In and of myself, I cannot.  I am not.  So I lay before Him and continue to seek His guidance, direction, voice, and instructions in order to live a life that is pleasing to Him.

I am reminded of a movie I saw a couple of years ago starring Will Smith.  Seven Pounds.  It was an interesting movie. Kind of sad and dark and it didn’t have all of the action scenes that Will is known for.  But there was an underlying force that guided his character’s mindset.  He decided to donate himself….his organs….to people whom he felt were worthy of them. Now, it was a movie, and extreme, but I understand the reasoning of wanting to give something so precious as life to those who need it, would appreciate it, and are worthy of such a gift.

I’m thankful for the life that God has given me.  I appreciate the fact that He’s found me worthy of this precious gift.  Therefore, I aim to live in a way that shows my gratitude.  I have a responsibility to walk worthy.  My responsibility include me doing something with my life that first will glorify God, then to be of service to Him by serving others.  I have a responsibility to use all of my gifts and talents to uplift the Lord and to help my fellow man.  It is my responsibility not to squander my life, not to waste it,  and not to abuse it.  It is my responsibility to give of myself because God has given to me.

I pray and strive daily to walk worthy of God who called me into His own kingdom and glory.  It is expedient of me to walk worthy because God has called me for His purpose.

“I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called.” Ephesians 4:1 (NKJV)

Blessings!

Carla

“When the Son of Man sets you free, you will be free indeed!”
~John 8:36

*Last week was an incredibly interesting week for me.  I experienced highs and lows and events that I did not understand.  It all culminated today during worship service in the form of my pastor’s sermon.  Through him, God explained much of what I experienced during the week.

I won’t rehash it all, but the most prominent thing that happened to me was my singing in my sleep one evening.  It was confirmed by my daughter who came to wake me when she heard me making all of that noise! When she came into my room, she saw that I was asleep, yet I was singing.  She tried to wake me, but I just turned over, she said, and kept on sleeping.  As she told me about it the next day, she quoted a few words of the song I was singing, and my heart leaped!  I don’t remember actually singing, but I do remember “hearing” the song in what I thought was a dream.  I heard it in my spirit.  The song played over and over in my spirit even before my daughter told me what happened the night before.

The words to the song are:

I am free!

Praise the Lord, I’m free.

No longer bound, no more chains holding me.

My soul is resting, it’s just another blessing.

Praise the Lord, hallelujah, I’m free.

After this singing in my sleep episode, and me not being able to get the song out of my head, something serious arose in my life that caused me to become anxious and even reeked a fleeting moment of serious fear in me.  Yet, I kept hearing the song, “I am free!”  I sought prayer and God directed me in my steps.  He blessed me by providing the assistance and help that I needed in this situation.  He sent the answer to me!

My husband and I later had a discussion about how someone recently misused this passage of scripture:

Isaiah 61:1-2 (ESV)

1The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;  2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn.

Jesus goes on and fulfills this prophesy, and even refers to what Isaiah stated:

Luke 4:16 – 19 (ESV)

16 And he came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up. And as was his custom, he went to the synagogue on the Sabbath day, and he stood up to read. 17And the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was given to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where it was written, 18 “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, 19 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

Some have used these scriptures to push the prosperity message as far as financial and earthly gain is concerned.

Jesus went on further to say:

And he began to say to them, “Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.”  Luke 4:21 (ESV)

Jesus is the fulfillment of the prophesy spoken by Isaiah.  He is the fulfillment of the law. He is the fulfillment of God’s promise.  Jesus did not come to make anybody financially rich.  His purpose is clearly stated:

14 Now after John was arrested, Jesus came into Galilee, proclaiming the gospel of God, 15and saying, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.”  Mark 1:14 – 15

Jesus came proclaiming the gospel, seeking to save those who were lost.  Lost in sin is an imprisonment.  Therefore, He came to set the captives free – those who are in bondage.  When we are not in Christ, we are prisoners of sin and satan.

I allowed the events of last week to make me act as one who did not know that they were free.  I acted like a prisoner to my circumstances, and to satan.  For God has not given me a spirit of fear.  Additionally, I allowed myself to worry and to question God and His will for, and in, my life.  I was blind and only saw what I could see with my physical eyes.  God had already made promises to me, yet I panicked each time I saw something differently.

God had to remind me that I AM FREE!  I am no longer bound, there are no more chains holding me.  My soul is indeed resting, in Him, and I ought to praise Him because I’m free.  That is why Jesus came – to release both you and I from the grasp of the oppressor.  Because He came, because He lives, I can live.  I can face anything that confronts me.

God will keep His promises to me.  He will, and is providing for me.  He wants me to live and walk in the freedom He has given me.

As I stated in the beginning of this, everything culminated for me today in the form of my pastor’s sermon.  It was awesome.  Not because my pastor, as always, delivered it well.  It was awesome because God CONFIRMED everything through the message.  I do not believe in coincidences, and I had not spoken to my pastor about this.  Yet, his sermon subject was “Instrument of Freedom” (coming from Joshua 3).  He spoke about Joshua’s availability and capability of being a leader and how God used him to lead the children of Israel into the promised land.  He went on and spoke about how we are not only instruments of freedom, but we are capable of doing so because we are free ourselves!  God can use us when we are free.  And then, in the midst of his sermon, pastor quoted “my” song……

I am free!

Praise the Lord, I’m free.

No longer bound, no more chains holding me.

My soul is resting, it’s just another blessing.

Praise the Lord, hallelujah, I’m free.

Before hearing it over and over in my head and spirit all week, I had not heard that song for many years.  It was one thing to hear it in my own mind, but to hear someone passionately speak the song at this juncture definitely let me know that it was God’s divine doing!

Yes, I am free!  Jesus has set me free!

Can you say the same today?  Yes, you can, if you have allowed Him to become your Lord and Savior.  Freedom is sweet.  Once we embrace our freedom, we can rest assured that freedom brings privileges.  The greatest is that we no longer have to live under condemnation.

1There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.  Romans 8:1 – 2 (ESV)

God always provides what we need, when we need it.  Because of outside influences and circumstances surrounding my life, my mind reverted back to that of one without hope and faith.  I allowed myself to question God, to question myself, and to think as the enemy would have me to.  That of a condemned person who had no rights and freedom in Christ.  But God………yes, but God………worked on me in the spiritual realm by even giving me assurance and consolation while I slept.  Then He tied it all together with a word through the sermon of my pastor, whom had no idea that he was speaking directly to me.  What a mighty God we serve!

Blessings,

Carla

*Repost – original devotional date – Feb 2008

Tiffanie, my 23 year old daughter, told me about one of her friends who seem to share one of my idiosyncrasies.  We both use a fork when we eat!

What’s so odd about that?

Well, Tiff says that we use a fork for EVERYTHING, and frankly, that just burns her up!

As she told me about her friend, I actually understood a little more about myself.  My daughter explained that her friend, just like me, uses a fork for such things as hot dogs, fried chicken, sandwiches, pizza, etc.  Foods that most people consider finger foods.  As my daughter spoke about it, I immediately said that her friend does this because she likes to be in control.  My daughter was amazed that I understood her friend so well.  She said that I definitely described her friend.

I was able to do that because the friend’s peculiarity made perfect sense to me and I saw myself.  I’d never even considered my urge to use a fork for everything as a need for control.  But, my eyes were opened when I saw myself through someone else.

I explained to my daughter that it’s not purely a fight FOR control, but a struggle for being IN control in my life.  I’ve long learned that I can’t control all things around me, but I strive to be in control for myself even through chaos.  I thrive on structure.

How does using a fork demonstrate control?

For me, it allows a semblance of having everything together.  Having my hand on the pulse of things that pertain to me.  It’s like having a plan.  Directions.  A clear understanding.

That says a lot for using a fork, doesn’t it?

What I saw in this is that it definitely is my choice to use a fork, even when it seems extreme and unreasonable, but this tendency for me also means that I am not always free and open enough to simply walk by faith.   God strongly spoke to me as we approached the beginning of this year* and let me know that He desired for me to walk by faith as never before.   He was letting me know that I had to totally trust Him in all areas of my life.

The analogy of the fork showed me that I need to put it down more often.  I need not be afraid of getting messy.  I don’t have to always hold everything together, or at least try to.  To totally trust Him means that I don’t even have to be concerned about what I can’t see ahead of me because God is in control.  I don’t HAVE to be!  Walking by faith means that I can put down the fork and simply be comfortable knowing that God is more than capable of being God without my help!

Blessings!

Carla

*This was written and originally posted in the summer of 2008